Thoughts for the Times

 In Carrabelle and surrounding communities, the traditional definition and meaning of "family" often expands to enfold many more members than the traditional household of mother plus father plus children who were born into those unions.

That reality was clear to see at a recent funeral, which had to be moved from the deceased's regular church of worship to the largest community place of congregation possible. Long before the brief memorial service began, all the chairs were filled and standing room was at a premium along the walls and in the rear. In the words of one long-time resident, "It was the largest funeral I have ever seen here."

The pastor preached about the personal enfolding of "family love" she has felt since joining the community within her Carrabelle church. Another pastor talked of being included in the family bonds of the deceased, by invitation rather than by nature. And as I looked around at the huge assembly of mourners, it was clear that many of the sad faces were there as extended family members; supporters by their own choosing.

Some admitted they did not know the beautiful woman whose life was cut tragically short by the accident. Many acknowledged they were friends of the parent family, or of her late husband, who had been an important community pillar. But some were there simply as an extension of the community "family" for which this area is well-known. All were there to show their love and support and compassion to the core family members who had lost a beloved one of their own.

The birth group of the tragically deceased, almost-new mother carries only one of the four most common Carrabelle family names. But within the huge group of mourners, all of those other local family groups were represented as well. The Masseys and Millenders and Messers came to share their sympathy and caring with the bereaved Mock family. And there were so many other family groups there too. Although they were named Lovell and Sink and Reid and Rankin and Stone and Simmons and Sapp and Evans and Robinson and Franklin and Lowrie and Anderson and Whaley and Tyre and a hundred others, they gathered together there as a single family. They came to share in the mourning with mother Catherine, father Herbert, and their son Mike, over the Mock family's loss of the young woman whose important life was over far too soon.

My own mother, a very wise woman far beyond her high school education, often reminded us of the old saying, "You can pick your friends; you can't pick your family." But this time, Carrabelle proved my mother was wrong. For Carrabelle did indeed "pick their family" on that saddest of days. Hundreds came together to join in love and caring for the bereaved Mock family, sharing the sadness and tragedy of the mother and father and brother who had lost their beloved only daughter and sister. A small local family group was expanded that day to feel the love and sympathy from so many others who shared their terrible grief.

It isn't always easy being a member of a family. There is usually love, but there are also fights and shame and arguments and frustrations and disappointments and separations, with sadness to balance the joys. However, on that beautiful but dreadful day in Carrabelle last week, many more than 100 separate families came together for that funeral service, went to the gravesite, and afterwards visited at the luncheon, helping to remember and mourn and cry and smile and care about the Mock family in their terrible loss.

As I get older these days, I better understand Archbishop Desmond Tutu's saying, "You don't chose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them." In my own life, I have had the privilege of dear friends who have become closer to me than bloodline family members. We picked each other for lifetime, and have shared births and deaths, together with the troubles and joys of living. I found some of those wonderful, God-given ‘friends-who-are-like-family-to-me' in the Carrabelle area. Many of them were there in the church that day, in the extended community family that has welcomed me and my own family into their circle, in the same way they enfolded the Mocks and the new pastors with love, support and caring.

I was grateful and joyous to be part of such a gift of God.

            Carrabelle resident Mel Kelly shares her perspective with readers through her occasional "Thoughts for the Times" column . To email her, write to melkelly@cheqnet.net