Red, White and Roux

          I don't think it is my imagination that public discourse seems more distasteful and argumentative than ever before. Granted, it is a political year and drawing blood with rhetoric routinely becomes a spectator sport. Nonetheless, I am embarrassed for those people who are unable to respect an opponent while still disagreeing with them.

            God knows, I do it all the time. My politics don't jive with many of my friends' views. I just keep quiet until I see a real conversational opportunity instead of a shouting match.

            I have never been able to watch more than a minute of those in-your-face talk shows where family members square off at each other. It is just so tacky. Likewise for the news pundits who have replaced analysis with posturing and yelling.

            Looking for some insight, I asked the people who most often teach me -  my students. As a warm-up activity on Tuesdays and Thursdays I pose a question. The students take 10 to 15 minutes writing a big, fat, juicy paragraph on the topic. Recently I asked, "Do you think our society has become more rude and mean-spirited? Provide specific examples."

            Most of them said, "Yes," although I had two or three who believed most people were generous and kind.

            The other responses opened my eyes.

            Some students kept their observations at the school level, citing lunch line skipping and bumps in the halls with never an "Excuse me." Others took it to the community. They wrote of rude service in restaurants and impolite tourists. They also noted that locals were sometimes rude to visitors even to the point of providing misleading directions.

            Other students pointed to music videos and song lyrics.

            The two most interesting points had to do with technology and the economy. With point-on insight, I had kids writing about how constant daily stress about money can stretch tempers thin and skew patience to the breaking point.

            Others pointed to the anonymity provided by the Internet. Responses to posts on blogs, bulletin boards, and news stories become less polite and more vitriolic when the writer is unknown.

            I think about my mother, who avoided confrontation at all costs. Disagreement actually made her physically ill, driving her blood pressure up and unsettling her stomach. There was never an argument at the dinner table and never, ever a harsh word at larger family gatherings. Oh, there might be undercurrents of hostility, but they were well-hidden under the veneer of Southern hospitality.

            She never sent a meal back in a restaurant, never spoke out in a public meeting, never complained about shoddy service, and never embarrassed anyone. I can't say the same for my sister and me. We will stand up for fair treatment, but, hey, we will be polite when we do it.

            I wish people didn't take cell phone calls when surrounded by others, and I wish students didn't say "Man, leave me alone" to teachers. I wish parents taught table manners and proper English. I wish hitting was not a proper response to a slight or an insult.

            What are we to do? I believe that society will continue on this path of disrespect recognized as normal behavior. We don't have to like it, and we don't have to buy in. Smile at a person walking down the street, hold a door open, bite your tongue, and volunteer. The basis of good manners is doing that which does not offend. Be aware of what is offensive and avoid it.

            We don't have to be rude to get our point across.

          Denise Roux is a regular columnist for the Apalachicola and Carrabelle Times. To reach her, email her at rouxwhit@mchsi.com