Red, White & Roux

These days, I'm reminded of an old song on the "Grateful Dead from the Mars Hotel" album.

"Money, money, money... She wants money."

I don't have a portfolio to manage, and I only listen to Wall Street news to extrapolate how it might trickle down in the economy to non-investors. I don't much like the shrinking dollar because, among other reasons, I really want to take a trip to London again. My sister and I went there on my 50th birthday, but with British pounds running about $2 each now, it's unlikely that I'll make it back anytime soon. Did you know that the Canadian dollar is now worth more than the U.S. dollar? We need some good economic news, for a change.

Personally, I have instituted many money-saving strategies - mostly minor, but not all. Some of it is about trying to go a little green, but it's primarily about stretching the paycheck.

I don't get my nails done anymore, and I haven't had a massage in over a year (although I think the education system would be transformed if all personnel could get that weekly relaxing rubdown!). The gray roots grow in a little longer before I give in and get ‘em colored. I still haven't been reduced to doing it myself, although that may be next.

I went from premium down to basic cable, and since my cell phone gets free long distance, I never use my land line for those calls. I love my free evening and weekend minutes! I don't pay anyone to clean my house anymore, and that's not good. The whole place is never clean in one fell swoop. One weekend we'll dust and do the floors. Next time it might be bathrooms and the kitchen. It's depressing to wake up on Saturday with such a long list of chores after a hard week teaching school.

I've cut back on bottled water, refilling my empties at the fountain at school. I resist and suppress any new car fever, continuing to drive my 1996 Ford Aerostar van. I shop only for food, no tchotchkes, no clothes, and certainly no impulse buys. There is not a vacation on the horizon, and with gasoline edging $3.50 a gallon, even a trip to Panama City has to be gauged with a cost-effective eye.

My biggest savings came this winter. My mate and I decided to see if we could avoid turning on the central heat. We did it! My last electric bill came in under $100 and that was a first for my 1960s-era energy inefficient house. We ran through a load and a half of wood for the fireplace and used the little gas heaters in the bathrooms. We didn't suffer a bit.

This brings me to cost cutbacks at Franklin County High School, where I teach.

By now everyone knows that public (as well as personal) money is tight. All school district staff have been urged by the finance officer, Sam Carnley, to turn off lights and computers at the end of the day. We are to limit use of the copy machines - evidently paper is at a premium.

The coup de grace was delivered on April 15 in a hastily called faculty meeting. That day will go down in infamy as the moment we were issued "the toilet paper directive." Dean Eddie Joseph read aloud a memo advising us to limit our use of paper towels and toilet paper.

Most of us laughed instead of crying. I think the district office might recognize that we as adults know how many sheets of toilet paper we need to wipe our bums and how many paper towels we need to dry our hands. Are there any other professionals being so hopelessly demeaned? I think not.

This brings me back to the big picture, the big savings. On warm days, my students are still bundled up in jackets and hoodies, because the air conditioning has the room temperatures down in the sixties. We have to step outside to warm up! Finance officer Carnley's infamous memo stated that a one or two degree upward adjustment would be made. Make that adjustment TEN degrees, make it now, and cut all this foolishness about toilet paper!

I know how to save money on electric bills.

Denise Roux is a regular columnist for the Apalachicola/Carrabelle Times.