My friend, David, asked that I respond to your article written about me which appeared in your 2 January 2014 (My ancestors, because of Camp Gordon Johnston, taught me to use military dates) newspaper, under the headline “Villager beset by three bears.” He asked me to by correcting many statements in your article. He believes that both WCTV 6 and The Times are more interested in sensationalism than in presenting both sides of the story.
I shouldn't be too critical of Ms. Crum for she provides me a feast each night. Being a religious bear, I give thanks to that Great Bear in the Sky when I am at her feasting sidewalk and yard and ask him to keep Ms. Crum safe so that I can keep on feasting. Actually, I don't think I will go hungry as she doesn't use any garbage service and just throws it into a small wood unsecured shed with no lock on the door; either that or she just tosses it out her back door - um, um, good. Actually, she is the only reason that I go to the sidewalk behind Row One. There exists now a foot of garbage in her shed about a foot deep: however, it is so rank that even I won't eat it. David has told me that authorities have taken picture of this.
Let's talk about Christmas Eve. I won't allow any other bears invade my territory.. I am a 500-pound bully and I back up this territory claim. No other bears, including cubs, are allowed. They go to other parts of Lanark. David has sighted me many times as I eat his berries on his holly bush. He will confirm that I am always alone. As to having her dog in my mouth, why should I when I have a delicious feast, put out by Ms. Crum as a thoughtful Christmas present? I don't eat dogs. If I or any bear had her dog in their mouths, there would be signs of it. Besides, if her dog was unattended outside, she was breaking Lanark Village's leash laws.
Again, ask David if he ever saw more than one bear. Since he never abuses his body, you can depend upon his powers of observation.
When I visit David, I never take the sidewalk but go on a different route since he lives at the other end of Row One. This is how I found his truck with the one sack of garbage in it. I broke out his camper back window, not the window in his cab. I would never break such a valuable window.
Again, The Times should have interviewed David and get their facts straight. He was awaiting the delivery of his bear-proof garbage can, which is not a nice thing to do to me. After I drugged the garbage bag into the field and ate it, I scratched myself on the bear-scratching tree which has been used by my ancestors for centuries. David and I agree that we bears were here first and that the Homo sapiens are trespassers.
One night, I paid a social call on David by entering his screened-in front porch. He saw me and this Marine, being unafraid, came out and challenged me to leave. I did. Then I changed my mind and tried to reenter. However, his wife Bette who also came out on the porch, yelled and threatened me with a broom so I left.
I hope that by presenting the "bear" facts that The Times will print this letter to set the record straight.
The bear of Lanark Village (and David Baker)